The Real Commitment Issue
When we became committed to understanding one another, most relationship problems ease or cease altogether. But we live in the age of ego, which frequently means we don’t truly let anybody get close enough to our true selves to truly understand who we are; instead we often exist in bubbles of work – friends – distraction; and yet wonder why we still frequently feel alone or isolated.
And part of the reason for this loneliness is existing in a world that often feels painful to our soul. We are not wholly meant for a world of paper chasing and ego gratification; yet if we don’t keep up the facade of being ‘enough’ then we worry we may not be.
So sometimes rather than facing another evening of nice but dull connection, another drink at yet another bar, another swipe, another follow, another round of existence where everybody knows our name but yet we still feel wildly unseen;
Where it all feels too heavy, too much somehow; we isolate, away from judgement.
Connection is always the cure; the person who sees our soul
But in an surveillance-society era, where social media means we are watched and judged 24-7 and where exist within the confines of a legacy of parents and caregivers who presided over our every result to make sure we were ‘good’ –
we remain so hyper focussed on ourselves –
we forget the person in front of us holds the same imprint, the same fear.
Rather than aiming for understanding, we continue to choose misunderstanding; projection, blame, withdrawal, running away from, instead of leaning into.
The snowflakes will scream at this and say ‘we shouldn’t be seeking to understand toxicity’ and the spiritualists will preach ‘live from the heart not the mind’ but the truth isn’t so dramatic.
- Simple pauses in conversation and conflict
- Simple self-care practices which help to slow down or transform thought – meditation, journaling
- Not making ‘space’ mean we are unwanted or unvalued
- And understanding our free-will to reclaim our perception (choosing to focus on the good in someone removes the fear they are focussing on the ‘bad’ inherent in us or will hurt us in some way – one cannot occupy two mental states at once, or know both the God and the Devil at the same given moment)
basically, using space and pauses within relationships to consciously decide to focus on where someone HAS shown up positively, where someone DOES communicate, even if imperfectly, when someone IS trying to support –
Can help reveal commitment that wants to be chosen, and wants to choose you at the same time.
